From you my little 19 week old boy I am learning what Patience is.
This week you have learned how to screech, as loud as possible and very often. You are also growing a tooth, and going through some sort of growth spurt. A triple whammy if you will. You are often grouchy, and even a bit angry with me at times, leaping in to try to gnaw on my face with this glint of fierceness in your eyes. I find it amusing, your Dad on the other hand thinks I am teaching you bad habits. Oh well.
You use to sleep on walks, but now you are all arms and legs and looking around. Happy bouncy boy with cooing sounds one minute---screaming, slobbering, suddenly starving mess the next. It makes it hard to walk with friends that don't have kids. They don't make muzzles for babies---well I guess that is what a pacifer is, but you hate those. Funny thing I seem to enjoy my walks more with you. Even if you are a bit of a monster halfway through---I feel like I am taking things in through your eyes. Its hard to imagine that this is the first time you have seen birds singing, snow melting, tess dog leaping through brown grass, ocean pounding on the shore. The first time you smell the awakening of the Earth beneath the mud, new piercing through the old, salty air, and soon enough flowers. What it must be like to have everything so new.
You want to touch everything, you think that everything should be tasted---Hands, cloths, The dog, floor, feet, spoons, cups....and you aren't even eating solid foods yet---just think what that will be like!
I thank you little man for letting me awaken my senses. For reminding me that we take for granted little things. Thank you for being loud so that when the quiet comes it seems so nice but a bit sad because you aren't gurgling and talking. Thank you for my lack of sleep because when I do doze off for those few hours my god they seem so nice...and when you wake me up with your thrashing about and wanting to nurse---even in my neediness of sleep I can't help but think how beautiful you are. Thank you my darling boy for teaching me what Patience is---there is no longer a running out the door in a hurry, meals must wait, I won't cut you off from nursing early just to make it somewhere on time---which gives me a few minutes to take in our surrondings. Like today when I sat on the beach with you while you ate and I watched Tess Dog wade around in the ocean---I watched the sun reflect off your face and I could feel the warmth of it on your head and thought that must feel nice for you-- because it felt so wonderful for me to watch you---to think of every new thing you will be taking in as Spring begins and you get to take in the world, and I get to take it in all over again through your eyes.
