The Great Easter Egg Hunt

The Great Easter Egg Hunt

When my sister and I were younger and my grandparents were still around we would all gather at their house and have a gigantic Easter egg hunt with all of our cousins.  The whole family would be watching as we would shove and grab and try to get as many eggs as possible, all filled with candy or prizes.  After we would gorge on Easter lunch with deviled eggs, ham, and of course my Nanny's famous Bunny Cake.

After my grandparents passed, and how it often goes in many families when the Matriarch and Patriarch pass on---the family started to separate off and do their own thing---which is too bad really and we all do think fondly back on those days.

However out of this the greatest holiday tradition was born from my Dad.

He started an Easter Egg scavenger hunt for my sister and I.  In each egg there is a clue to the next egg until the very end where you get a prize (it use to be candy, now its $ and scratch tickets).  When we were younger---say early teens he would hide them just around our house.  But in the last 4 or 5 years  he has really gotten crazy and we now find ourselves driving all over the town of Friendship.

There is always the normal stops along the way: a visit to our grandparents graves where we leave two eggs, a trip down to THE KAPPS on Martin Point road to fetch an egg off their property.  I have to say my favorite ones are always down at the Wharf, or at an old family spot that only our family would know about.   Sometimes he gets people involved and we have to go talk to Ernie down at Wallace's Market and ask for the egg, or go say hello to our Aunt.  We always bring our cellphones and end up giving a call if we don't understand a clue---like I have no idea where North west is in relation to a tree on our property, or which cooler in the bait shed down at the wharf the egg might be hiding in.

We get some very strange looks because we are 25 and 28 year old girls searching for eggs in Friendship, but we are def. Not ashamed, in fact I think we are the luckiest daughters alive.  And my dad really gets a kick out of getting us out of our comfort zone and having to go fetch an egg from someone's chicken coop for example, at the same time I find myself rediscovering how beautiful the town I grew up in is, and how connected I am to so many places in it.  I feel so happy after this easter hunt for having all these happy memories associated with my childhood.

I hope this tradition never ends---someday I picture Ash and my kid's searching for eggs down at my parents house—and thinking how incredibly lucky they are to have such cool grandparents to spoil them.

Spring Dreaming

Bring me some green grass. Let it be a shock to my system. Let me run out and feel it with my bare feet and back. Let the flowers pop up slowly around me with their shades of spring—fantastic yellows and purples and pinks.

Let me walk outside with a long sleeve shirt on and not freeze to death. Let the chickens be happy to run around their little yard and pick at non frozen ground.

Let me start my seedlings in tiny pots and rake up the garden and add some dirt to it. Let me feel the dirt in my hands.

Allow me to take a long walk with out thinking of snow, sleet, ice, frostbite or windchill. Without five layers of clothes, 2 pairs of socks and Muckboots. Let Tess dog roll around in the field by the water.

Allow me to stare at the ocean and allow thoughts to creep into my head about future swimming in spotted blue bathing suits. Drying off on a rock.

Let me think of fresh vegetables---do you remember those? Greens, tomatoes, basil.. A Pie with fresh picked berries. The smell of grilling, and a cold summer ale.

Let me recall my porch sitting days. You and me on a bench in the morning staring out at Corey's Cove with a cup of coffee in our hands. Quiet and still, and in our pajamas--- reading a paper from a few weeks ago.

Let me dream of boat rides to islands with picnic lunches. Lobster boats and watching you sail. A long novel on the beach, and kids making sand castles.

Allow me this in the depth of winter. When the windchill is -8 and there is 12 inches of snow on the ground. Allow me my dreams of spring and fantasies of summer. Its all that's getting me through.

Winter I hate you.

I can appreciate a snowy day....walking through the woods in snowshoes peering up at the trees all sparkly and white.
Today is 2 degrees.  My mind can't make sense of this....2 degrees is that even possible?  -15 windchill---is that real?

Yeah sure the walk is pretty---the ice chunks in the water---frozen harbor with sea smoke.
But really FU sea smoke.  FU ice chunks.  I would rather be swimming in you after laying on the beach soaking up the rays.
I would rather get my Vitamin D from the sun then in tablet form or sitting under some expensive Mood light-bulb.
I would love to be sitting outside with a beer in hand on the green grass at 7pm.
Not curled up, or rather sitting on top of the woodstove---procrastinating going out to fetch more wood.  Afraid my hands might fall off.... remember when I walked outside in my shorts and tank top...barefoot???  If I did this now I would stick to the ground.  I would cry without even knowing from the cold.   My nostrils frozen....no one should ever have to have frozen nostrils.

FU winter. 
Thank you for keeping me inside with the chocolate treats.....instead of walking by the seashore.  Thanks for the winter weight!  Remember when I was tan?  Its hard to believe looking down at my ghastly white skin...dry.  But I mean there's fun things like nosebleeds from it being so dry out...and everyone loves falling on ice...cause the ground is so soft this time of year of course.  And the flu----a perfect excuse to watch movies in between the chills and hot flashes.

Someone told me that the halfway point of winter is in ten days.  I almost punched them.  It's not the halfway point yet?  Well pour me another hot toddy.  Or can I just hibernate?  Seems like that would make things a lot easier.   Wake me up when I don't have to wear long johns, a sweater, a puff vest and jacket---along with gloves, hat, and scarf and muck boots. Let me know when I won't die from a 10 minute walk outside.  When it doesn't feel like I am being kicked in the face by the cold.

Wake me up when there is color---flowers, and green grass.  I am done with white, dirty white, grays and black.  Wake me up when I can stop eating freaking squash and root vegetables.  When I can pick up green leafy wonderful veggies at the farmers markets, instead of paying 5$ for Kale from halfway across the USA. I am so sick of soup and  I think I forgot what a tomato tastes like.....

Okay I am done with my rant.  I just miss you warm weather...and I am very close to overdosing on vitamin D and emergen-c packets. I Love you Maine, but please bring spring soon....or at least 30 degree weather. 

Transporting Field

And it went like this........

I was lying low, but not to low. Sort of peaking up from the long grass that I was in---in the middle of the faded yellow/green field. I had transported myself there in my head when things were bad. When all I could see was colors of rage-- colors of blue and red -dark and flashing and changing and mean.

When everything I was saying was in spits and bursts and between tears and rolling off my snarling mean tongue like an angry snake... When I was completely unreasonable and had finally given up I transported myself to this field.

I sit up and I take it in---there’s a large dark brown barn way off in the corner-----and if I walk a mile or so down the field it leads me to a small beach with icy blue water...scattered driftwood and shells and former remnants of sea life. Ill get there eventually...... for now I lay in this field and I try not to think---but that's not really possible. So I take in the sun on my skin because even in the dead of winter this field is an early summer day. I photosynthesis because I can when I transport myself here. I can do whatever I want. So I do and I dream of my husband and I walking hand in hand near water or in the woods---I think of his smile and his laugh and his ability to love fully. And this is all part of my healing in this field---reminders of why I live.

I am suddenly swooped up by the colors of the wind---yellows and purples carry me down the road to the shore. On the rocks there is a tray with bread and honey and a wheat beer. I knew myself so well that I dreamed my favorite things up for my arrival. I sit munching and sipping----breathing in the salt air....thinking of my dad on the lobster boat, and his talking between strings of traps. Thinking of deep green traps and brown lobsters...thinking of how I lucked out in childhood- with him and my mom and sister. I lucked out.

I realize I want a swim--- I walk across the beach full of sand and shells and my feet don't even hurt. Because when I transported myself to this spot—i gave myself feet with thick soles. I put on my favorite version of my body---tan and strong, and freckles.

I strip down and I walk slowly into the water.... I am still fascinated how the water is clear when it appears so blue....I decide it would be nice if it was filled with phosphorescence instead. So just like that its night, and the dinoflagellates appear and I swirl and my body is outlined with tiny yellow stars....tiny yellow fireworks that look like stars.... I swim and I look behind me at the trail I leave---slowly fading. I swim and I swim until I wear myself out and decide to let the phosphorescence rest.

I am happily tired- and I think of all the memories of night swimming with my sister and friends in the past. Another memory I love.

I look up and lucky me...no smart me(look I built up my confidence too). I create a small cabin overlooking the shore on the hill. I go in and the fire is already going for me. Of course there is rocking chair with cushions and a robe and slippers for my feet. Cocoa and a cookie for later. I rock and rock and stare at the fire. I am almost back to my normal non-raging self. Almost. What is missing---oh I know......

I transport myself back to reality. In reality I am curled up next to my husband. In my non-cabin on the non-hill and there is no ocean here. But I missed it. I missed the comfort of my non-perfect home with my animals near the fire....Reading by the fire.

Really I just needed a break....I am lucky I have this power.

A winter morning's hour

In the soft glow of the morning sunrise I felt content.

I trudged through the crunchy grass on this mid-December day to take care of the animals....the chickens feathers all frosty from the cold night....released from their coop they take off in flight to stretch their wings....

Returning to the house with my black lab bounding in great morning happy leaps...in anticipation of a walk in the next few hours.

Brewing my morning coffee with a frothy top with crunchy sugar squares...throw some toast in the oven and check out what's going on in the world outside of my world.

It's a perfect hour...and I wish all hours could be like this...relaxed with great hope for the day.

Thankful

A thankful reminder.

It's hard this time of year with the changing of seasons, with the teasing of the bitter cold mixed with 50 degree days. The lack of light, the hibernating anxious self trying to take over. I think being so close to Thanksgiving it's time for a reminder of what I am thankful for.

I am thankful for:

My husband for being my constant companion and best friend. For putting up with me and dealing with my many moods. For remaining a bright light in the darkest days...for dealing with me when I can't sleep at night by reminding me I will eventually fall asleep and the world will not end if I don't. For calming my nerves by his general presence....for not knowing how deeply and truly I love him and how amazing a person he is. In this same breath I think I should thank my In-laws for raising him right....and providing me with this person who feels like the other half of my soul.

I am thankful for:

My family who knows the past and present me. Who is proud of my everyday accomplishments, and brags about them like they are a big deal. Who can tell by the sound of my voice over the phone if I am upset or happy. Who deal with my sometimes non-lovable self, and know that I love them even if I am not the hugging or emotional type. I am thankful for my family for being IMPERFECT. For teaching me that Normal is boring, and showing me to always be kind to others because you never know what they are going through. Thank you Dad, Mom, and Ash.

I am thankful for:

The different  friends in my life near and far who have been there for me through different walks of life. Such a varied group of personality’s that all fill those tiny chapters and who have been there for me through different events and times be it with a kind word, a knowing glance, tear-filled phone call, or a walk as I sort out my mind. I thank you.

I am thankful for:

My animals for providing a constant source of entertainment and hard work. From my obese cat, my neurotic dog, and my 8 egg laying chickens--- I always have something to do and some creature to fuss over and love.

I am thankful for:

Hands that have learned how to roll pie dough, bake cakes, get covered in flour and chocolate and butter and love every minute of it. I thank my Mother, Maam, and my Nanny Havener for teaching me how to cook and enjoy it.

I am thankful for:

The roof over my head, the shoes on my feet, a job that pays the bills, the food in my pantry, and the fire in my wood stove. Such everyday things that not everyone has....I am thankful that I am lucky enough to have these simple pleasures.

I am thankful for:

Everyday occurrences that I take for granted sometimes.... The kindness of strangers, the vast deep blue ocean, hot coffee on a cold day, fresh baked bread, bright green fields, snowy covered branches, a long walk with my dog, and the knowing that these things are what make me happy.

What I learn from my dog

I will admit that I am not the most loved human in my dog's eyes. I am the second human, the one that feeds, and scolds, but goes on big walks in any type of weather. This makes me respectable, and at times exciting but Tess (dog) doesn’t stare out a window looking for me to come home like she does with Ellery. She doesn’t throw herself at my feet and paw me to death when I jump out of the car. But this is okay with me. My friend Claire said that Tess and I have a mutual understanding of one another--- a respect that goes both ways.

My husband says that Tess and I are exactly alike- we are both moody and prone to extreme highs and lows. As long as we are both doing something exciting or moving around we are very happy and easy going....but as soon as either of us stops and its time for just being at home for a long period of time, we go into some sort of funk. Either falling asleep or glaring eyes at passersby....Waiting for the next event like meal time or a walk or car ride.

However (and I am fully aware that I am comparing my moods and self to a four legged animal)....Tess is more of an extrovert where I am not. When we are walking down the street she cannot help but throw herself at the nearest human even if they show absolutely no sign of wanting to pat her. She thinks everyone is her friend and I am pretty sure she would follow the next willing participant home. Even though she feels intense guilt for disobeying her humans and charging nose first into the persons crotch....she can't help herself. She just wants to be loved! However give her a dog walking by and she goes crazy....she wants nothing to do with the dog for several minutes. Maybe we are more alike than I think....put me in a room with animals and I am very happy...but put me in a room with my own species and I have no idea how to act but awkward.

I will never understand people who don't love dogs-- even though I am more of a cat person ( I like that they choose when they want to hang out with you)....watching my husband with Tess dog is one of the highlights of my day. Sometimes I even find myself getting jealous watching how much fun they are having together- running around the yard at full speeds kicking up sticks and leaves and narrowly avoiding my garden.

We choose the morose puppy when we picked Tess from the litter...and I am very glad we got her out of all the other little whining black and brown lumps.

She is my fearless walking partner through sun, snow, and rain... she is a protector at night when Ellery is gone for an evening. She teaches me to be a bit more social. And she motivates me to push myself a little bit more on walks. And most of all she teaches me to be excited at the little things in life--- like how great a large field is...I watch her sneaking over to the field and throwing herself backwards onto the cold ground...rolling back and forth in complete happiness.